you know it's bad when you dreamt about tom cruise in bed and you enjoyed it .

Thomas Cruise Mapother IV a.k.a Tom Cruise is a used-to-be hot stuff stuff in Hollywood . i have never met him nor have i ever watched any of his film . i dreamt about Tom Cruise yesterday - it was weird . period .

the dream was just so random . why on earth would i suddenly dream about tom cruise . God is powerful , i say . i've dreamt about other celebrities before and some of them were kinda weird but last night's dream was by far the weirdest . i had a dream about tom cruise and I WAS tom cruise . i was him . .. . i was freaking him .

katie holmes and suri were in my dream too . for some odd reason , we were in bed together - all three of us . and no , it WASN'T a wet dream . i was completely dry when i woke up , if you what i mean . we were in bed sleeping not doing something else , just for your info . i remembered i (tom cruise) was looking at katie and suri . cute lil suri was in katie's arms, sleeping . katie looked tired . i was like a stranger in that bed .

i think i was half awake while i was dreaming about it. i knew i was tom cruise but i didn't freak out . i was dazed and kinda stoned which was also weird . the dream was cut short though , someone called me early in the freaking morning *cough anol cough* .

man , i wished i could have dreamt about it a lil bit longer . i want to know why i was tom cruise . i would prefer to be suri . she's a such cutie pie who has a to-die-for wardrobes.

as much as i enjoyed the dream , i am confused . how can i possibly dream about tom cruise . i didn't watch any of his film . i didn't see his picture either . i am not a huge fan . there ought to be an explanation . my dreams usually had something to do with my fear , happiness or things that i saw the day before .

i tried sleeping again but i could not dream about it anymore . maybe it's a sign or maybe it's just some random dream . you know what , the bottom it was a weird dream that i kinda enjoyed . : )

cry.eat.eat.eat.smile.blank

school is officially over and i think i might have hormonal imbalance.well , it's not that a shock at all. , it has been a roller coaster , lately - right now i'm at the bottom pit - and i hate it.there are just so many emotions in me right now that yet to be released .i feel like punching and hugging someone at the same time . weird ,eh?

now i'm gonna be like at home for 24/7 for like almost a whole month . i swear i might go crazy . i was feeling rather giddy and excited for the past few weeks . don't know why and i'm still searching for the answer . most probably cos i was hanging out with my buddies and been gossiping every single day since PMR was over (gosh.i must have committed lotsa sins along the way.sorry.) . the excitement and the giddiness i felt banished when i hung out with my friends last week , though .

it disappeared when i stepped on the weighing machine at MP and when the bloody arrow stopped at the no. 48 . *sigh .i gained 3 kg. not only did i gain weight i also started to feel lonely . gosh, i feel like a spinster - wait , i'm worst than a spinster - i don't have 40 cats to accompany me.

but i do have 2 lonely sad friends by my sides - you know who you are , dear. - truth be told , i think i just have too much time for myself . before PMR , i was like studying and doing some other stupid stuffs. now , i have too much time doing stupid stuffs that i ran out of idea. so now i spent and will continue to spend my countless days by eating , sleeping , smiling , crying (sometimes) , eating , stare in space - hence , the title . i want to live a good life . i want to contribute to the community - do something good rather than just mob all day long . gosh , i bet an eighty-year old granny lives a more exciting life than mine .

hopefully by next week when i finally be able to buy a guitar , i'll get to spend my life doing something beneficial . screw you F for not telling me the address for ice paradise shop. yes, it is all your bloody fault .

new moon coming out soon , btw . let madness begin!

smile like you mean it

people smile when they snap photos . they smile widely like there's no tomorrow , well i'm not one of those people . i hate being photograph . i don't fear it , it's just that i get really paranoid and i just can't smile like others . i tried to but i just can't . when i smile , my eyes seem to be small or sometimes you can't even see my eyes . it's so ridiculous cos i have big eyes (i think) .

i gotta admit that i'm not photogenic and i don't mind cos i ain't no model but hey , when a girl can't get her pictures taken cos she's beyond the valley of not photogenic - it's depressing , my dear .

smiling is like my forte but somehow smiling for the camera seems to be the hardest thing to do , probably more difficult than Math . gosh i wish i could transfer my everyday smile into all the photos. i guess i smile too much without any reasons so when there's a specific time for me to smile , it just doesn't work .

i wonder if i'm the only one who's having this prob . you know what , i'm gonna like cam-whoring after this . hopefully i'll be able to smile with my eyes open .. oh well , there's always photoshop to the rescue.

somehow without plans and expectations , i'm lost . a new game plan is needed , badly

a month ago , i was this girl who planned big things and was eager for PMR to be over . today , i am a girl who wishes that PMR is not over and wishes to be studying in the classroom again . people change every seconds . for my case it's every month . gosh , right now i am like a hobo without any clothes on - has no place to stay and i have to keep on running cos i don't want to be caught by the police . dammit.

does it make sense?wtv , i'm beyond bored . i've been watching lotsa movies and spending my time surfing random websites. if these happen a month ago , i would be beyond happy but now i just feel rather pathetic . i want to do something useful , something worthy . i wanna work and earn money , then shop . i doubt my parents will let me work . i know i am not poor . my parents have money but i am not a spoilt lil brat - though i wish i was . i get things that i want but not everything .

right now i want a new guitar , a kick-ass guitar not some cheap 'made in China' type of guitar . how to get it ? i have no idea. i promise that if by the end of this month , i am still not doing something productive , i shall just kill myself . i can't wait for next year . i 'll have a purpose to live again which are to study and get a kick-ass result for SPM .

am i crazy? tell me ,like seriously , am i?

boo. are you scared?

so tonight is a halloween night . i've been waiting for this night from the beginning of the year , i have my costume ready and i shall go trick-or-treat afterwards. LIES , LIES and more LIES . truth be told i don't really care about halloween . i guess the one time that i was really excited about halloween was last year. i bought a box of uberly unique candies and ate it by myself while watching a group of teenagers celebrating halloween at the playground which is like opposite my house . loner much? nah .

i didn't really know them , so yeah there are from my school but they are like the upper east side clique . where as i am a umm , how should i say this - a loser ? well yeah , i'm pretty much a loser . but who cares , i think in this world losers are needed because without losers , there wouldn't be cool people. this is not a self pity entry ,FYI .

so halloween - the night when the border between this world and the Otherworld become thin , allowing spirits (both harmless and harmful) to pass through - says wikipedia . well i'm just really sceptical about this whole spirits crossing our world and so . it's hard to believe in it but i guess i should check the Quran for confirmation .

anyways , to me halloween is all about spooking people and also the trick-or-treat . would it be weird if i go around my house area and trick-or-treating ? it ought to be fun but gosh i can't imagine doing it because - 1. my mum will think I'm some kind of a lunatic 2. my dad doesn't allow me to gout at night 3. my neighbours will probably call the police - conclusion : trick-or-treating is a really bad idea . but who knows 10 years from now i might bring my cute lil child trick-or-treating.

for now , i shall just indulge the candies that i bought by myself while watching horror movies. is the haunting of molly hartley a horror film? well, who cares it sounds scary . gonna watch it right now .chace is in it . i wonder if he's the ghost/demon ?well then , tata .

btw , happy halloween .have fun and i dare you to go trick-a-treating around ur neighbourhood.

restart

After a very long hiatus , i've decided to start writing again. I promise i'll try my best not to post any crappy posts again . It will be like restarting all over again .

back to our own little hive

okay, i know i've not been writing for like a long long time.i'm thinking of stopping but i just can't help it...i gotta post this video ..she's zee avi , btw.




i discovered her last year on YouTube..she's probably like the best female singer in Malaysia..i like the fact that she can still speak Malay and the fact that she's under Jack Johnson's recording company..how cool is that?she even inspires me to take guitar lessons and after that i'm gonna buy a ukulele...

check out 'poppy' by zee avi..it's my favourite zee avi's song.